It is not well o

 It’s not well o. 

It’s not well.

Why would Someone pour their heart to you, and you reply, “Awww… it is well.”

Are we doing a condolence register?

Your friend is crying and breaking down, and all you can say is “Eya, pele baby”?

How?

Why?

See, it’s not every time you should say ‘Pele Baby’. 

Let me teach you how to be there for your friend when they break down. 

The first thing to do is to listen!  

Just listen!  

Don’t listen to reply, to judge, or to collect gist.  

Don’t engage in trauma olympics by trying to share your own worst day.  

Just be quiet and listen to them without judgment, even if you don’t know what to say.

After that, the next thing to do is to validate their feelings.

Say things like, “That makes sense.” Or, “I’d feel the same way, too.” Or, “I can’t imagine how you must be going through all this alone. You must be so tired.”

Let them feel seen and not silenced.

Let them feel as though someone finally sees and hears them! You don’t need to have the answers.

Just be there with them and validate their feelings.

Do not preach or give sermons!

Don’t tell them “Everything happens for a reason” or “God gives His toughest battles to His strongest soldiers.”

They’re crying; they’re not applying for sainthood. This is not motivational talk about how to aspire and perspire; this is real pain.

Next, ask them what they need.  

Don’t jump to conclusions.  

Try asking: “Do you want support, or just someone to listen?” “Do you want advice or just a safe space to vent?”  

Because unsolicited advice is how people feel unseen and unheard.  

Sometimes people don’t want solutions; they just want softness and care.  

They just want to rant. Don’t be so quick to jump to solutions and advice, especially if they don’t ask for it.

Finally, follow up with them!

Don’t just disappear after their emotional TED Talk.

Check in. Say things like, “Hey, I’ve been thinking of you.” How are you feeling today? 

Because some of you can repost skits 30 times a day but can’t say, “How are you holding up?”

It costs ₦0 to be emotionally present for your friend, so try.

It’s not every time you say, “it is well.”

Sometimes it can be “Do you want food?” Or “I’m coming over.” Or “Do you want us to go for a walk?” Or even telling them, “Cry. I’m here.”

Be that kind of friend. Emotional intelligence is not just vibes; it’s a lifestyle.